Imagine getting tickets to the hottest local golf circuit event.  You're standing just yards away from hole 18.  Semi-pro golfer, Tammy Cate prepares to putt the ball to win the series.  This is where it gets BEYOND imagination; before she putts the ball, her caddy hands her a dildo.  A dildo?  Yes, a long, 14 inch swingin' dildo.

Most professional athletes have their quirky superstitions but this one seems a bit extreme.  Cate's caddy states that Tammy has carried this dildo "good luck charm" for years and it works!  Circuit organizers have had enough of this ritual and want it to end immediately.  Tournament Director Shelly Tanderly states, "This good luck charm has turned this circuit event into a freak show.  We can no longer tolerate Miss Cate's actions and this must stop now".

The dildo good luck charm ritual came to a breaking point during a local TV station's live telecast.  Cate was at hole 14 ready to putt the ball.  She pulled off a glove, put on some hand powder.  She kneeled down, pulled some grass, and threw it in the air (for wind direction).  All seems innocent and normal.  Tammy then walked over to her caddy's bag.  Unzipped the front pouch and (half-way) pulled out this large glass dildo.  This is where you have to use you imagination again.  Picture a 14 inch dildo hanging out from the front of an unzipped golfing bad pouch.  She caresses it.  She fondles it.  She kneels down and begins to kiss it.  The audience let out a loud gasp (some men began clapping and hootin' like 14-year old boys).

The local TV station had to immediately go to commercial, which incidentally was a TV ad for Ballpark Franks (you know, "they plump when you cook 'em).  TV officials stated they were going to pull the plug for next year's event if Tammy Cate participates.  Needless to say, Miss Cate sunk the ball in hole 14 and went on to win the event.

What is Tammy's side in all this?  She states that she's been taking a lot flack since she exposed her good luck charm a few years ago.  She told reporters that she used to pull the dildo completely out the bag, kiss it (caress, fondle and make love to it), then raise it to the skies.  Officials demanded that she no longer do that.  "That is why I now keep my charm in its pants (the bag)", said Tammy.  "I will not stop using Little Lucky, as I now call it.  I even sleep with it under my pillow every night".

Tournament officials will decide next week what they plan to do with Tammy Cate and how they're going to handle the dildo.  From this reporter's mouth, I don't think ANYONE can handle that dildo like Miss Cate.  She's a true professional.  God Bless America!

- Another Allen's World Radio Show Daily Blog