"Can we PLEASE take the tape off our mouths and stop this nonsense?"

I've always made it clear on how I feel about the No H8 ad campaign.  I think we're spending too much time focusing on the photos rather than the cause.  Case in point, go to the official No H8 Facebook page and they're talking about photo shoots and how beautiful everyone looks.  It's so Hollywood!


Then there's Khloe Kardashian.  She just got her NoH8 photo taken.  All she talks about is how happy she is with HOW SHE LOOKS.  All the comments are about HOW SHE LOOKS.  People, we're losing focus!  It's not about how cool we look with duct tape on our mouths.  After the Maine catastrophe, I thought for sure we'd rip the tape off our mouths and start making some noise!  Like I said before, the  Baptists, Catholics and Mormons LOVE the fact that we're putting tape on each other's mouths.

If we're trying to find ways to use duct tape, there's plenty of other things we can do:

         
Duct Tape Makes a GREAT Summer Dress                                      Duct Tape makes great wall art

   
Duct Tape makes a great babysitter!

Please join me in a new ad campaign.  Let's take the tape off our mouths and really start focusing on the cause . . . not the photos.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS!

- Another Allen's World Blog.  To comment, click on title.  Go to Allen's World Site>

Pyongyang NK-- President Kim Il Jong of North Korea has a secret weapon in his arsenal and plans to use it September 30th (not sure why he picked that day). The 'Dear Leader' has the Gay Nuclear Bomb, and once it explodes, all the straight people in the USA will be totally gay.

The Gay Nuke works very much like a Neutron Bomb. Once it explodes, the Gay Nuke's radiation targets DNA and activates dormant gay genes that exist in everyone. There is no immunity or cure. The Gay Nuke is also very efficient; it only takes one detonation to affect everyone in America.

The Gay Nuke terrifies military planners. It could make a brigade of Marines gayer than a Barbi Doll convention in an instant. They fear soldiers will put on impromptu Broadway musicals like 'Cats' rather than fight.

Many straight men and women are terrified of the Gay Nuke too, and are starting to panic. Husbands are starting to experiment with their wives' makeup, just in case. Many women are jumping into bed with girlfriends, just to get used to the idea of being lesbian.

A bizarre consequence of the Gay Nuke is that it turns gay people straight. Many thousands of gays have enlisted in the military in the last few weeks. Thousands of gays have also offered to die as suicide bombers against the Gay Nuke. No one wants The Unthinkable to happen!

I think the only way we can prevent the wrath of this horrible (yet kind-of cool) bomb, is to utilize the many war bunkers that we built back in the 1950s.  This way, when we get the warning of the bomb, we can all mass together and huddle in these tight bunker quarters.  We would then just wait it "out" in these bunkers.  Eating together, playing together, showering together for months on end.  Come to think of it, maybe that's how the bomb works.

- Another Allen's World Radio Show Blog

Tupperware, Incorporated announced today they will begin manufacturing condoms starting this fall.  With the economy taking a nose dive, Tupperware made the decision during the company's annual Goals & Objectives meeting.  Tupperware President said it only make sense to develop products that the consumer wants and needs.

In hopes of boosting and reviving company revenues (and sagging Tupperware home parties), the company is launching a new ad campaign.  Darrel Sokonit, Tupperware Marketing Director said in a press conference, "We are completely changing the way you think about Tupperware parties.  Now you can have fun, meet your neighbors, keep your food fresh and now,  stop spreading sexual diseases.

Tupperware hosts will now be trained how to demonstrate and display the products.  Classes will be provided, showing how to properly apply the neon-colored condoms.  Hosts will use cucumbers, that have been stored in other Tupperware products, so they are fresh (and stiff) making condom installations quick and easy.

Tupperware has a new, patented tab at the end of each colorful condom, allowing users to "burp" them to get all the air out and lock the freshness in.  Yum!

- Another Allen's World Radio Show Blog

New documents found in a Mount Vernon chest prove that George Washington sucked penis. The letters were found in a chest that was tucked away in the attic of George and Martha's Mt. Vernon mansion.

Most of the 180 letters were written to John Crenshaw (photo shown at left), a private in the regiment that General Washington crossed the Delaware with.

In one letter George Washington writes to John, who he addresses as Jboy, and says, "I was so worried about your well-being as we made our way across the river, and that you were warm enough, although as I looked back from the bow of the boat I could see that the freezing air was causing your nipples to harden and this greatly excited me and gave me the courage to fight on and win this battle."

In another letter he writes, "Martha has insisted that I get wooden teeth, but do not despair my Jboy, when I take you in my mouth I will remove them and have my lips communicate my love to you."

Robert Krispin, a prominent George Washington scholar, has authenticated the letters. "This is an amazing find! They are all in his handwriting and as I've always argued, George Washington always looked happiest when he was on a horse. Now I know why."

On his daily talk show Rush Limbaugh said, "This is ridiculous! How could the father of the good ol' USA be a fa**ot. Next thing you'll tell me is that Adam Lambert is a gay Jew!"

- Another Allen's World Radio Show BLOG.

Imagine getting tickets to the hottest local golf circuit event.  You're standing just yards away from hole 18.  Semi-pro golfer, Tammy Cate prepares to putt the ball to win the series.  This is where it gets BEYOND imagination; before she putts the ball, her caddy hands her a dildo.  A dildo?  Yes, a long, 14 inch swingin' dildo.

Most professional athletes have their quirky superstitions but this one seems a bit extreme.  Cate's caddy states that Tammy has carried this dildo "good luck charm" for years and it works!  Circuit organizers have had enough of this ritual and want it to end immediately.  Tournament Director Shelly Tanderly states, "This good luck charm has turned this circuit event into a freak show.  We can no longer tolerate Miss Cate's actions and this must stop now".

The dildo good luck charm ritual came to a breaking point during a local TV station's live telecast.  Cate was at hole 14 ready to putt the ball.  She pulled off a glove, put on some hand powder.  She kneeled down, pulled some grass, and threw it in the air (for wind direction).  All seems innocent and normal.  Tammy then walked over to her caddy's bag.  Unzipped the front pouch and (half-way) pulled out this large glass dildo.  This is where you have to use you imagination again.  Picture a 14 inch dildo hanging out from the front of an unzipped golfing bad pouch.  She caresses it.  She fondles it.  She kneels down and begins to kiss it.  The audience let out a loud gasp (some men began clapping and hootin' like 14-year old boys).

The local TV station had to immediately go to commercial, which incidentally was a TV ad for Ballpark Franks (you know, "they plump when you cook 'em).  TV officials stated they were going to pull the plug for next year's event if Tammy Cate participates.  Needless to say, Miss Cate sunk the ball in hole 14 and went on to win the event.

What is Tammy's side in all this?  She states that she's been taking a lot flack since she exposed her good luck charm a few years ago.  She told reporters that she used to pull the dildo completely out the bag, kiss it (caress, fondle and make love to it), then raise it to the skies.  Officials demanded that she no longer do that.  "That is why I now keep my charm in its pants (the bag)", said Tammy.  "I will not stop using Little Lucky, as I now call it.  I even sleep with it under my pillow every night".

Tournament officials will decide next week what they plan to do with Tammy Cate and how they're going to handle the dildo.  From this reporter's mouth, I don't think ANYONE can handle that dildo like Miss Cate.  She's a true professional.  God Bless America!

- Another Allen's World Radio Show Daily Blog

Executives at Mattel Inc. held a press conference Monday to unveil the toy company's latest product, Plain Pamela, a homely doll designed to boost the confidence of girls ages 7 to 12.

The pale, unsightly plaything, which has a plastic torso scaled to the proportions of a 5-foot-4, 179-pound woman in her mid-30s, is being touted as the first toy expressly intended to raise the sense of physical and emotional self-worth in preteen females.

"While we still value our classic Barbie franchise, we understand the need for dolls that offer an alternative body image," Mattel CEO Robert Eckert said. "And that's why we've created Plain Pamela. She's drab, she's dumpy, she's nothing to write home about, and she's going to make the girls of America feel like beauty queens."

Added Eckert, "Relatively speaking."

Mattel, which has been criticized in the past for promoting unrealistic standards of beauty, claimed that the new doll would not only improve the self-esteem of growing girls, but would also give them someone to feel superior to for hours on end.

Modestly priced at $7.99, each Plain Pamela doll comes prepackaged with a variety of unflattering and ill-fitting blouses to drape over her shapeless torso, as well as a packet of paste-on psoriasis spots to apply along her arms and back.

Mattel designers have also included a button at the base of the doll's pudgy neck that randomly plays one of 24 preprogrammed phrases, including "I wish I was pretty like you," "That's okay, you go out and have fun without me," and "Ugh."

Now I have a question.  Why didn't they come out with a "Wimpy William" (instead of GI Joe) when I was growing up?  He would have a small penis, be fat, no chest and when you pull his string . . . he would scream like a nelly bitch.  Now THAT would have made me feel good about myself!

- Another Blog from Allen's World Radio Show.